An Open Letter to People or Entities Unlikely To Respond
*I got the idea from mcsweeneys.net- check it out!
Dear…
…Internet,
Where do I begin? You are always there when I need you the most. In my good times, in my bad times, and times where I just don’t want to write that paper. Without you, I wouldn’t know what my roommate is doing tonight nor would I know the lyrics to my favorite song. I don’t know how I could survive procrastination without you. I would love to meet your creator (Al Gore? Right?) and thank them for giving me endless opportunities. You’re the best.
…Wind,
While I know that you like to breeze around and do your wind thing, I really don’t appreciate blowing a gust that lifts up my dress. I mean, not everyone on FSU’s campus cares to see my bottom, nor do I care to show them. Can you please be more considerate next time you get a going?
…LSATs,
In regards to the last letter, Can we please pretend as if I never sent it? I really just want to send you that email right back with my score. It’s a constant reminder of how I should of studied/prepared/cared more for you. I guess I’ll see you again in February.
...Girls in My Literature Class,
Syllabus, it’s called a SYLLABUS! You know that thing that the professor assigns at the beginning of the semester to show what we are doing the WHOLE semester. Don’t be surprised when you have to finish a book by that day, because you had from AUGUST to read it. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, you couldn’t read it because you were studying for the open book, open notes midterm. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get so harsh. Oh, by the way, no one really likes Gilmore Girls.
… My Past Self,
While you were such an awesome and fun person, I’m upset that you had no care in the world. You’re money management skills suck, you stopped caring about the LSAT, and you manage to say things that you don’t mean to say. I’m highly disappointed in the way you handle situations and make it hard for the present self to deal with. I know, going out with friends and being the center of attention is real fun, but did you REALLY need to spend all that money? Was it worth it? I sure hope so.
…My Future Self,
You know what happened to “My Past Self”, so take a leaf from her book. There are things you can do and can’t do. It's not acceptable to blow your paycheck on unnecessary things. Can we learn about the concept of savings? I know, I know, Past self and Present self should of thought about that when they started college, but they were young and easily pressured. It’s almost your last semester, SHAPE UP!
…The song “Dirty Diana” (Michael Jackson),
You have trapped me. I sometimes wish I never met you, but then you give me great happiness, so that would be impossible. Why, I ask myself every day, is it necessary to listen to you repeatedly? I heard you 5 minutes ago. Why am I listening to you again? Thank you, for being my new obsession.
…Running,
You come a close second to “Dirty Diana”; I hope I keep you around just as long.
…School,
Thank you for being the only constant in my life. You make my week complete (literally). If it weren't for you, I would be a bum that runs while listening to “Dirty Diana” and stops for the occasional facebook update.
Best,
Chelsea
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